In a Funk

I am waiting. For what, I do not know. I am just waiting. I am in a nasty funk. One that normally you would pull me out of. And damn the more people ask and say "How are you? So sorry to hear of your loss" the more I hate it. Yet, it is nice to have people recognize you are gone. I don't know if I will ever get use to this. I am tired of crying in private. I don't want my kids to know I am still crying. It will be worse when Jason comes home tomorrow. He cannot handle it so I will have to put all my emotions in the back of my head and act. Maybe that will do me some good, to act like everything is normal. Maybe I will start to believe it. I was going through pictures the other night and started laughing because everywhere I went, there you were. Lowes and St. Thomas (note the name of the island) were just two recent that I took pictures of your name. I hope I can still see you everywhere I go. I will still take the pictures and upload them to here. I will see it as a sign that you are thinking of me too. I miss you.