Dear Jenn

Dear Jenn, The weekend is here and tomorrow marks a week since we said our final goodbye to you. It has been a long week. I pulled a you most of the week and just laid on the couch. No editing, no cleaning, no shower, nothing; until tonight when I figured I had better clean up and get going since Jason will be home tomorrow. I work at JCP tomorrow. Zayne and Maggie have been making me watch 'Duck Dynasty' all night. It is finally on repeat for the night (and the girls are asleep) so I think I can change it but I don't feel like getting up from the computer to change it. I checked on Sophie and Scott a couple of times. I think they are still really busy because I only heard back from them once. You know how Scott is about calling me back. I think this winter will be the hardest without you. I am going to have to take it one day at a time. But if this past week is any indication on how I am going to handle it....I think I will be hibernating until April. It is time I get real on here. I think I have been sugar coating my feelings so no one worries about me, but what I really need to do is let it all out. The only person I will be sensitive to is Sophie. I would hate for her to one day read this and not understand. Are you keeping an eye on everyone? I wonder if you can see us all or just one person? I want to believe it is all of us, but you are not God so it maybe just the one. I sure would love a sign that you are there. I miss you. I miss our stupid talks and your guidance. I don't know if I ever told you how much I relied on you and your advice, but I did. You were such a good mom. I am so glad I did tell you that all the time. I have decided to get a new tattoo. Not sure where I will put it. I would love to put it somewhere I can see it all the time but then that blows my soccer mom image...lol!! However, I have not decided what to get. We have so many memories. Priscilla's shoe, tulips, Jenny I, stupid sayings, and list goes on and on. Picking one to remind me of you is hard. I sure wish we would have decided on our matching ones and gotten them before you left. Well, as usual it is almost 1am and I am still up. My sleep schedule is all messed up...who am I kidding. Its normal. Ok, sweetie, punkin, honey....I love you, miss you and watch over us all. Love, Sascha