Forever

I write. I erase. I have lost count how many times I have started over today. Thinking about what to write on this blog has helped me already. I used to have conversations in my head of things to tell Jenn. Now, I can have conversations in my head over what to say on this. Latest conversation, the word "Forever." It hit me last night, the magnitude of this word. "Forever" has always been an important word in my life, especially for avoidance of bad situations. The most influential time "forever" was used in my childhood, I was 10(I think)and watching "Dallas" with my mom. It was the episode in which Sue Ellen finally confronted herself about her alcoholism. I remember thinking "Wow! To become that bad, that you could never have another drink again, forever, the rest of your life. I never want to have to say "no" forever, to anything." Because it was so profound and ingrained in my memory, I chose to watch myself when it came to drinking. That is only one example of "forever" but to relate "forever" to someone I talked to everyday came crashing down on me.