Today

I have been trying to think of what to say today...all day. It was not a good day. As soon as I think I am getting a handle on things I take two steps back. It's weird, I have these epiphanies, and I feel better for awhile. But then, I seem to lose the punch of the epiphany. If I could figure out how to hold on to the enlightenment and keep it within me, I would do better. I have been told today that I am pushing people away. I don't mean to, I just don't want people to try and fix me. This is not fixable. I have to do this on my own. If I allow anyone to become what you were to me then I am not dealing with your loss, just substituting it with someone else. Plus, I cannot afford for anyone to become my emotional sounding board, it hurts too much. I have tried to explain this before, but it did not work.