House Hunters

The Hunt is over, the obsession is done. We closed on our house today, almost 4 months to the day I had to say good-bye to you. You would be proud. All the times you had to talk me off the ledge of not buying a house because Jason wanted one thing and I wanted another. I did not give in and ironically, neither did Jason. We found a house we both liked and could envision us living in forever. Oh, how I wish you were here to see it and celebrate with me. To laugh and cry and scream and jump and laugh again, that would have made today more perfect than what it was. I am so glad it is done. I miss you, I love you!

Valentine's Day

Another freaking holiday. This was our day, we both loved to complain about Valentine's Day. It was our least favorite holiday. I miss you. My roller coaster of life is on a down swing. So much is happening and all I want to do is talk to you, to hear your voice. I want you to tell me everything will be fine sweetie.

I thought time was suppose to help heal the broken heart I feel. At times it is just too much to bare. To see your face, to hear your voice, that is what I wish I could dream of. In my sleep, I wait. Why don't you come to me? Why can't I see you? You are on my mind, all the time. You are always with me. Is this the reason? For I don't see you in my dreams when my eyes are shut. Is it because I see you all over the place? I know I will have to wait my lifetime to see you again..... But, I love you, I miss you

Happy Valentine's Day, I miss you more today than yesterday or the day before that or the day before that.

Birthday

Empty, shallow, hole in the heart, pieces missing....however you want to describe it, that is how I feel. It is my birthday, but yet, somehow it feels like any other day. Oh sure, I am getting the usual 'Happy Birthday's' from people on Facebook, my sister and nieces called and sang to me. But from you...nothing. I will not get the usual Happy Birthday scream into the phone, phone call. It is my first in 20 years. I know I have my lifetime yet to go without your phone call but as they say, the first is the worst. And it is. I got through all the Holidays, but that just felt like you were there but with your family. This is completely different. Having my phone more silent than ever, it is heart wrenching. I can't seem to control the tears. I am clinging to memories, fractions of memories. Every now and then, one will come to me or I will be talking to myself and I hear what you would say, "Oh good God." I have had only one dream of you. Ironically, it was after a night of drinking Moonshine...I know you are laughing at that one. Wish I could hear your laugh. I wish you would visit more in my dreams just so we could talk....I miss you! I love you!