Toasts

My first wedding of the season was Saturday. It was a love/hate relationship experience. While I loved my bride and groom, the toasts are now bittersweet for me. I dread them coming, the "your my best friend" and "I am so happy for you both" and the forever, "you are like my sister, I love you and wish you all the best" It is devastating. Knowing, I will never get to give that toast to you on your wedding day. I will never get to see you in a beautiful white lace dress with a big bow on your butt. Or with the man of your dreams, who wanted to do nothing but make you feel loved, safe, and cherished. I feel my anger seething back into me. The sorrow will never leave but my anger towards you, towards Scott, it comes slithering in like a snake into my blood. I have to cry, I have to put into perspective that you are gone. My anger will not bring you back, it will not change the future. I will not get to see you or call you again. I will have to wait. Wait until the good Lord brings me home. I will have to wait to run to you. Wait. I will have to wait to give my toast for you to Sophie on her wedding day,and even then it will be the hardest thing I will ever do (besides saying goodbye to you). I just pray, my connection to her stays through the years. I pray, she gets to grow up with Maggie and "Thelma and Louise, part deux" is forever carried on. I love you, I miss you.....I am waiting, cheers....